My Top Christmas albums

I'm a huge Christmas fan. I enjoy the lights and colour and the fact that most people make a bit of an effort to be a little bit nicer. I count down the days in November until the Friday after Thanksgiving when it's officially Christmas season to start blasting the tunes (I use rehearsals for my Christmas concerts as an excuse to start a bit earlier though).

Christmas music ranges from amazing and transportative (not a word) to rage inducing dreck. These are the albums and songs that I could actually listen to any time of year. But, the ones that are top of the list for getting me into the spirit.

Good Christmas music:

Aloe Blacc brings us the funkiest
Christmas album of 2018

There's a fine line between so schmaltzy it's good and down right awful. Good Christmas music (like any good music) has a perspective. It tells a story or communicates a sentiment that is familiar or at least relatable. The best for me taps into the bitter-sweet tenor that runs through the holiday season. It's not all fairy lights and cozy sweaters. But neither is it 'Fairy Tale of New York' drug addict abusive.

Bad Christmas music:
I loathe what I call 'Sound of Music Christmas songs'. The kind of song that attempts to be emotionally manipulative by simply listing off Christmassy things and expecting it to resonate. I'm like, don't tell me how to feel. You don't know me! You don't know what my Christmas is like! But, again, I'll use 'Fairy Tale of New York' as an example, I also don't want to be dragged through the worst of human kind because I have the news for that.

(Side Note: If you're in any relationship like the one in 'FToNH' please leave it. You deserve better, not just at Christmas time.)

So without further adieu, here are my top Christmas albums to get me in the holiday spirit (in no particular order)

Sia "Everyday is Christmas"
This album is amazing. I love Sia anyway. But, this whole albums rides the line between ridiculously poppy and the beautiful reflection. And I've probably listened to this album just as a general 'need to cheer up' album any time of the year. All original songs, the album bucks trends and talks about bringing sad people sunshine, lists auburn as a Christmas colour and deals with the hazards of loving a snow man. For heaven's sake 'Puppy are forever' is the most endearing song with a serious message about taking care of your pets!

Pomplamoose's EP "Christmas in Space" 
Pomplamoose are a great fun band. There EP "Christmas in Space" is a fun slice of their quirky goodness. A particular North star is tthe song "Always in the Season" which so perfectly describes why I do all my shopping in November or online.

Ella Fitzgerald's "Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas"
Do I even need to explain this? Ella's my go to girl for any kind of background music. This is the perfect tree trimming song and Ella's vocals (on EVERYTHING) just put me in the best mood. If 'comfort and joy' was a sound it would be Ella Fitzgerald's voice.

Pentatonix - "A Pentatonix Christmas" 

The original Pentatonix line up

Pentatonix third Christmas album in 2016 is by far my favourite. Though their first "PTXmas" in 2012 was a great holiday offering. And the second Christmas album is also really good. Standard Christmas fare. But, they finally got the tone right by the third. The group is at their best when they're fast and upbeat. It's their quirky fun arrangements that made them a viral sensation and "A Pentatonix Christmas" captures that. I love each of the songs on this but my stand out picks have to be "Coldest Winter", "Good to be bad," "White Christmas", "Up on a housetop" and "Hallelujah" (ok so that's almost half the album).

I've always been a fan of a cappella. There's something about the human voice in harmony on its own that makes music resonate inside of me like no instrument ever could. Pentatonix are one of the most innovative groups (and possibly one of the best well known). And thank goodness their music is amazing because the more famous they get the more their fashion makes them look like designer trash people. But, as they song says, sometimes is "good to be bad".

Multiple artists "A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector"
What? You mean you've not listened to "A Christmas Gift for You From Phil Spector"? Well, do it now. If you're into doo-wop and Mowtown this is the Christmas album for you. Full disclosure - the wee Phil Spector dialogue at the end is a bit creepy for some reason. But, not only do you get Christmas hits from the likes of The Ronnettes and The Crystals, but the UK version comes with a few extra songs. And that means that "Swinging on a Star" has somehow become a Christmas song to me.

Stevie Wonder "Someday at Christmas"
It's an oldy but a good. Like Ella, I don't really think I need to explain or justify this. It's Stevie Wonder and it's Christmas. All things that make like a little bit better. Put them together and you get perfection.

John Legend "A Legendary Christmas"
This whole album is like someone pouring warm buttery toffee directly into your brain. John Legend is in fact a legend. And his take on a soulful Christmas album this year has made my holiday season merry and bright. His take on classics both modern and old are absolute perfection. The choice of songs is perfect for him as well as his own original offerings which will become classics in their own time. Like many of the albums on this list it's his original work that does the most for me. "Bring Me Love" and "By Christmas Eve" are songs that capture the meaning of the holiday perfectly - love, togetherness, and slice of laid back and mellow cheer.

Aloe Blacc "Christmas Funk" 
Plain and simple, this is an amazing funk album that happens to be about Christmas. The cover of Wham!'s "Last Christmas" and "All I want for Christmas" are fun funky re-imaginings. But, the opening song "Tell Your Mama" actually transports me back to growing up at church and any where you were without your parents you got a "and don't forget to tell your mama". For better or worse there was a great community feeling and that statement sums it all up for me.

Sponge Bob "Don't Be A Jerk (It's Christmas)"
I know. I know. But, seriously, listen to it. It's hilarious. But, it's not only funny but has a great message. I was introduced to this song a few years ago and it instantly became a favourite. It's everything I've ever wanted to say to a bratty kid going spare in a shop. Forget elf on the shelf. Sponge Bob actually lays the smack down on people who put commercialism above being decent. Hats off to you, Sir Bob. I try to get all my holiday shopping done before the rush. But, if I have to go to the shops during the busy season I find myself humming this as I watch people scramble and go nuts.

Waitresses "Christmas Wrapping"
"Bah humbug, but that's too strong 'cause this is my favourite holiday!" As someone who's spent a fair few Christmases by myself this song totally gets me. Again, it strikes that beautiful balance between cheer and the very real feeling of exhaustion and needing a break from all the expectations of the holiday. It's super punky and super sweet and something about those discordant bells at the beginning let me know it's time to begin getting excited for Christmas.

And of course

Mariah Carey "Merry Christmas"
Even if you haven't heard the whole album, you've heard "All I Want for Christmas". There's a reason that song and this album have dominated the Christmas charts for over 20 years (geez I feel old). Even though Mariah has lost some of the pop sheen in recent years her talent is undeniable and this album are the definitive

Usually the John Lewis tune - except this year which is basically just an advert for Elton John. They didn't even bother re-recording it or doing an all new interpretation.

Honourable mentions:

• Joni Mitchell "River"- this song and Joni's voice are absolute perfection
• Glee "Jingle Bell Rock" - like so many songs from Glee, this arrangement puts sparkle on a standard.
• K T Tunstall "Mele Kalikimaka" - just a great fun song and a great version.
• John Lewis adverts - I wait for this every year with excitement. The arrangements of pop songs often bring out meaning that you otherwise might have missed which makes these songs special. However, this year was a huge disappointment because it was essentially an advert for Elton John. They didn't even bother re-recording it or doing an all new interpretation.

Rebel with a cause - Come Dine With Me

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? For my night on Come Dine With Me in Edinburgh I made badges for my guests that symbolised fun and incredible things about them. And, all week I also wore badges that symbolised some of the things that are most important to me.

I was always taught every platform you get is a chance to raise up your community. Come Dine With Me was a chance to talk about issues close to my heart. However, I knew those chances were going to be minimal on air. We also weren't allowed to wear anything with other people's art, branding, political messages or words on it (Except my cheeky Yale tshirt!). So, I had to get creative, literally, to get my message across.

I designed and created my own badges to say the words I wouldn't necessarily be able to say. You might have caught glimpses of them on air. So here they are with their corresponding issues.

Anti gun crime

Being American, gun crime and gun control are subjects close to my heart. I grew up annually attending memorials for kids my age who were the victims of gun crime. I have family and friends who've been affected by it. More than anything, it makes me sad so many young people's lives are at risk and that people are still unable, or unwilling, to see that better regulation (at least) is the only way to improve it. I think the way that it's currently being handled and addressed by some in America is farcical. So, for the badge, I took inspiration from The Comedian's iconic blood spattered badge from the comic, Watchmen by Alan Moore. Referencing one of the most thought provoking comics about moral grey areas was fitting, given the Comedian's own relationship to violence as a so-called hero. I like to think wearing this badge was my very own Rorschack moment.

Mental Health

I've made no secret about my own struggles with depression and anxiety. Positive, open attitudes towards talking about it is something our society needs more of. For some people an episode of ill mental health is a one off. For others it's a life time struggle, just like any other health issue. But the stigma and judgement can only be defeated if we talk about it. The subject really hit home for me when a friend lost a loved one to suicide while I was filming night 2! It was a horrifying shock. But, it made me all the more resolved to spread the word. I used the title of one of my favourite Fiona Apples songs, Extraordinary Machine. The lyric is "Be kind to me, or treat me mean - I'll make the most of it. I'm an extraordinary machine".. I think it speaks to the beautiful contradition that is being human. The human body and brain are just that - these extraordinary machines that can do so many amazing things. We have moving parts that need to be cared for. However, the badge turns it on it's head. As humans we are extraordinary, but we are not machines. Uunlike machines sometimes there's no easy fix for what ails us. You can't just remove and replace parts. We need to face our own 'brokenness' with compassion and understanding - in ourselves and others. The sad brain and the awkward smile demonstrate that dichotomy - smiling on the outside; showing off your extraordinary machine. But inside needing some tlc.

LGBTI equality

This one I didn't create myself. But there was no point in reinventing the wheel. It was actually a rainbow badge that I've had for years that's faded in the sun. I like the way the pastels of the muted rainbow look a bit like the trans flag. So I kept the badge instead of swapping it for something brighter and new.

Black Lives Matter

"Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir." The only 7 words you need to know if you're black and stopped by the police.

Obviously, there are amazing cops. My brother-in-law is one of them. I was lucky enough to know my neighbourhood police as a kid. But, the numbers don't lie. Black people in America are more likely to be fatally shot by police than white counterparts. You don't have to look past Starbucks to see that racial bias is alive, well and kicking people out in America.

It's scares me to think that my Black nieces and nephew are growing up under that bias like I did. I know they will thrive and be brilliant and accomplish great things despite it. But, I wonder, what could they be if they weren't constantly mentally assessing their surroundings for danger - even from those sworn to protect them?

I wore this badge on my night and made it stand out as much as possible - a black badge against a white shirt. I knew it was slightly bending the rules because it had a political tone. But it was a worthwhile risk. I managed to sneak it past for the first part of my night before the crew clocked what it was and asked if I'd take it off. I didn't push the issue because they said they wouldn't bother reshooting the footage where I had it on. I'm glad it made it into a few shots.

Cancer awareness

I'm terrified by cancer. I've lost a friend or family member to cancer every year since I turned 30. The first person I lost was my best friend (only 30 years old herself) and both my mother's parents died from it. It's a sobering fact to realise that 1 in 4 people will have cancer. And, everyone will be affected by it in some way. Since I moved to Scotland I've been singing with the choir Showcase in Edinburgh who raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support. It's an amazing thing to be able to use my hobby as a way to do something positive for people and their families affected by this illness. So, it was just as important to help raise awareness of it on Come Dine With Me.

Fun Dining – My night on Come Dine With Me

Come Dine With Me was a chance to bring all my hosting skills to bear. I was taught that the goal of having people in your house is to make them feel at home. That's what my night was all about - sharing a piece of me and letting people unwind. And hopefully my home cooking and heaped plates of food could win me the grand.

Come Dine With Us!!

Hosting versus Hospitality

I’ve eaten at Michelin Star restaurants. I enjoy a good 7 course taster menu. I know which cutlery to use when and the difference between a red and white wine glass. But, just because I’ve been to those restaurants doesn’t mean I can do what they do! (For one thing I don’t own the crockery - thanks Aisling who lent me some forks!)

Growing up in a Black American church, you learn that food is ministry. Food is community. Food is love. When someone is sick or loses a family member, you bring them food. As a kid, everyone who came into our house was offered food. Kids in my neighbourhood knew my mom as the lady who gave out ice pops to anyone on hot days. It’s how I learned to communicate the important ideals of togetherness and care. 

Christmas a la Dozier

Dinner parties were a communal affair – pot lucks. Everyone brings a really BIG dish of their favourite foods. And every family had a specialty. When I think of family meals I think of Sonia’s pulled pork, my dad’s dinner rolls and banana pudding, mom’s mac and cheese and greens, Miss Kay’s hot wings, and countless other ‘family specials’. Everyone gets a paper plate and cutlery and helps themselves. Then you stand around and talk and laugh and be together.

But, as a kid, I hated dinner parties. Crowded houses with loud conversation and carry on was overwhelming and made me want to hide in my bedroom. It wasn’t until I went to university and met my best friend that I learned the finer art of hosting.

Being a host

Hosting is hard work! And thankfully I learned it from my best friend, Ryan (she's the one who I have a tattoo of over my heart). As a dynamic duo hosting was easy. Ryan was front of house. She had the charm, refinement and social grace to cope with looking after every individual. I was back of house. I made sure everyone was enjoying music, made sure cups were full, and when the noise and chaos of the party got too much I had an excuse to duck into the back to refill the chip bowl.

Ryan (centre) hosting our last college dinner

But, the best thing I learned was this: in the middle of all the chaos and craziness find a moment to take a step back and listen. Are people laughing and having fun? Parties are about the people who are there, not about who couldn't make it. Parties are about making sure everyone's enjoying themselves. If that happens, you’ve been successful. To do that, sometimes you have make the effort and push yourself out of your comfort zone – that’s what being a host is. And that’s why I did Come Dine With Me.

I’ve also learned from my Scottish family that you can’t do everything all the time. Burdening yourself to be everything to everyone at all times over the course of the night means you, as a host, aren’t having fun. And your guests will notice it. So, when in doubt, get them a drink. It will tide people over while you take a break! Or, if they don’t drink, a snack or some entertainment.

Either way, above all, make everyone feel included.  

My food

how my food usually looks

On my Come Dine With Me night I went for home foods. Comfort food. Did I know it was risky to go for non-traditional British ‘dinner party food’? Yes. But, I cooked what I love to share that love with my guests. Salmon cakes are the one thing I always ask my mom to make when I go home. Mac and cheese is eaten at every big family meal. Once a former colleague told me my family’s macaroni and cheese tradition would be seen as common in Britain. But, I'm proud of where I come from. So, if someone thinks it's 'improper', well they can find somewhere else to eat.

I’ve learned I can’t go wrong being myself. I wanted to show four new people me and what my version of hospitality and hosting are. If the food itself isn’t to everyone’s tastes I hoped that my approach to opening my home would.

As it was a competition I avoided just piling food on the plate. Making Japanese rice balls is the closest I get to fancy and even my presentation of them is often... deconstructed (lazy). So, for Come Dine I tried to elevate my home cooking in a way that at least showed effort. I made sure all ingredients were fresh and quality and I made a pedestrian attempt at ‘nice’ plating. I also made more reductions and purees than I ever have… or ever will again! Maybe it all still looked a mess. But, hey, I tried!

What a dinner party is to me

One of my fav Saturday dinner parties

Dinner parties these days are friends and laughter and being full. It’s dinner with Paul and Caroline watching 10-month-old Rory cram strawberries into his mouth. It’s hanging out with Billy and helping his 8-year-old son make tacos and a cheesecake. It’s hanging out with Alex and Sara making cookies and crafts or Christmas dinner with my pals. My boyfriend is even my sous chef and front of house for those times I still get overwhelmed.  

I'll be honest, seeing the level of fine dining that others were expecting didn't intimidate me. It was a relief. I was never going to be able to do that. Sure I could put out the forks and glasses properly. But my ethos was never about that. I was going to do the best version of me. 

My night came off well enough and the only thing I regret is that the combination of nerves and paying attention to plating I lost sight of some of the finer details like:

• I forgot to ask people how they were enjoying things.
• I forgot to offer the less-American alternatives I prepared if there was something they didn’t like
• I bought a new salt cellar but forgot to put it on the table
• I accidentally mislaid one of my place settings and Sod’s Law it was Bruce’s place which I accidentally set improperly!!

A casual place (setting) for everything

However, my favourite parts of the night were the in between times. My happiest were:

• Sharing my writing and art
• Opening up to the group about my experiences with anxiety and depression
• The joy I felt after two hours visiting every card and gift shop to find the perfect cards for my guests. Then seeing their faces and knowing I got it right
• Hearing everyone laughing and enjoying themselves
• Not having a panic attack
• Walking into a room full of people with their faces covered in glitter

For me, the glitter moment was my moment of zen. I realised that I’d done my job as a host and lived up to the standards of the people I care about. Despite some little details, I did good (and I mean 'good' not 'well'). And, I had a lot of fun doing it too.

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh

The Gay Question - Come Dine With Me

I was on the gayest Come Dine With Me ever!

No time to be shy. 10s across the board!

As a Black gay man in a predominantly white heterosexual country I was a little bit nervous about going on Come Dine With Me. Reality TV is designed to put people of differing opinions together in a confined stressful situation. I was almost certain that one of my two 'differences' were going to be a plot point. And, let's face it, there's always one gay guy who either plays the role of the villain or the puppy in these things. I wasn't happy to be either. So when I realised all of the men in my group were gay, it meant that I could relax my guard around those issues. And it opened a whole other can of worms!

First contact

"Just knock on the door, say hello, and walk in."

The door swung open and inside stood James. He had all the height and warmth of Hagrid but was better groomed and impeccably dressed in a floral print shirt and kilt. I relaxed a little. I could instantly tell from the bright colours of his home (and shirt) that I was in the presence of another arty person. I also thought I recognised him. Possibly from the 'scene'. But, I definitely knew his face from a 'gay context'. I wasn't sure what. But it didn't matter. I was in a gay-safe space.

"Come through," James said, ushering me into the flat.

Stop. Do it again for the cameras. Look more surprised (and less nervous). The production team took over and after a moment I was shown to our holding cell... I mean green room... I mean the living room.

As I rounded the corner I was bedazzled by a vision of a man shimmering from head to toe. I noticed the gold jacket first and I thought, "Phew! I was worried my tie was going to be too bright!" The man inside the jacket, Bruce, was crowned with platinum blonde hair, and the glimmer from his diamond earring and ring were like crack for my ADD brain. Bruce announced his presence with his wardrobe.

Boys on film

We instantly introduced ourselves. But that was the wrong thing to do because it wasn't on camera. We introduced ourselves three more times for the camera. James handed me a margarita which I started drinking before I was meant to. And then the production team left to set up the next guest's arrival.

We three eyed each other up warily. We were three gay men... alone in a room... on reality tv. What were they planning?

Reading rainbow

I was secretly relieved, standing there in my bow tie and round specs. I was not the only gay in the village. And, next to James and Bruce in their fabulous outfits I was practically wallpaper (I wasn't really, but I have to add a bit of drama for affect).

As I'm wont to do, I tried to fill the silence with inane chatter and made some comment about tequila being my dance on tables juice.

We were then told not to talk too much. Save it for the cameras.

So, the point of commonality between the three men was never actually mentioned and hung between us like stagnant water. We poured alcohol and food over the question and the introductions rolled on. We met Aisling and Katy and other bits of unknown creeped into the growing trepidation. The 'gay' question became irrelevant as we got down to the more pressing matters of who didn't like cheese, how long things were going to take, and who would snap first under Henrietta's guantanimo style questioning.

 

beginning of the night

Finally, mid-week, after the familiarity of libations loosened our lips, the gay question came up.

end of the night

3 fairies, a witch and a leprechaun walk into a bar

"Did you get three gay guys on purpose?" we asked the production team off camera. By this time, we'd all talked about our husbands and boyfriends. So, it was no secret (not that it could have been if we tried).

"It came up once in pre-production. But, you were all the best group and someone pointed out it wouldn't be an issue if you were all straight men," one of the production team said.

But, we were in fact the first Come Dine where all the men were openly gay men. And, let's be honest, from our personalities, it was clear they were hoping for fireworks. However, we were less like cats in a bag and more like Alvin and the Chipmunks - three very different guys who got along and happened to be gay.

FYI: Bruce = Alvin, the trendy, flashy one. James = Theodore, the quiet, kind, loveable one. Me = Simon, the slightly over serious, responsible one.

And, despite the potential for high drama among the boys, we had two incredibly amazing ladies with big personalities. They weren't there to be the supporting cast to our gay shenanigans. The casting crew got it right. What ever potential for ire and 'oh no she betta don'ts' melted away under the fun of a group who genuinely wanted to get along... and win £1000.

Proud

When too many people of any gender and sexual preference are in a room together there's going to be an element of competition. For attention, for alpha status, for whatever. Let's face it we're biolgical monsters that way. Add in an actual competition... watch out! Come Dine With Me isn't just about food. It's about charm and getting people to like you, and having fun. So, it was a bit dubious when I found out that of the 5 contestants, the 3 men were gay. I could imagine the teeth grinding awkwardeness (and glitter) that the producers were probably hoping for - the kind of infamous disasters that reality TV dynasties are built on.

Yes, there was tension. But, I'm so proud of how well we got on despite our different views. We didn't set out to make a point. But, all three of us are reasonable men who happen to be gay. And we had two fabulous ladies keeping us right.

And, more than that, the 'gay question' wasn't a question. We were judged, as Dr Martin Luther King Jr so dreamed, "on the content of our character". We're living in an amazing time of growing acceptance for the LGBT community (amidst some of the more worrying far-right sentiments on the rise). And it was nice to see all us of showing that acceptance on so many levels.

When glitter goes wrong

This was not a Come Dine With Me that would have happened five years ago. It wasn't TV that would have happened at all. At best, there was only room for a Will and a Jack. So, one of us would have had to go. It was refreshing and exciting to think that, at some point, the casting crew on a national network saw past the obvious 'gag' of having a token gay guy. Or making it some sort of 'Queer as Folk' homage.

We painted with all colours of the rainbow

Our sexual orientation was never brought up on camera - the gay question wasn't a plot point. We did joke about it privately - we came to refer to Katy as our fairy god mother, her three fairies and her leprechaun (Aisling being Irish). However, we weren't a gimmick - the all gay male Come Dine With Me. We talked about our hopes and fears and hobbies and quirks, and obviously our food! We are, all five of us, interesting characters, different colourful strands of an amazing tapestry of odd human behaviour. And by jove, we all just so happened to like guys. Big deal!

I thank Aisling, Katy, James and Bruce for being so supportive and wonderful. They made the experience the fun I hoped it would be. I was lucky to have the added bonus of being on a Come Dine With Me first. I felt the weight and wonder of that first, and I think it will surprise, and hopefully encourage, people. Three gay men at a dinner party isn't a sideshow. We're just people who're willing to embarass ourselves on TV to win a £1000, just like every other weirdo.

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh

TV Magic - Lessons from Come Dine with Me

Lights! Camera! Action!

We had a mantra - 'This is not a dinner party. This is TV'

I had the pleasure, privelege and trauma of being on Come Dine With Me in Edinburgh in 2018. I've thrown dinner parties for large groups. I've been on Holywood film sets. So I thought I had this in the bag. But, the mental pressure and hard work that goes into making reality TV is soooooo different than what I was expecting.

Here’s what I found out from my fun foray into the world of reality TV.

**No spoilers! So I won’t be dishing about who won. But if you’re all about the TV magic and suspension of disbelief, stop!**

Laugh. Rinse. Repeat.

This is not a dinner party. It's a film set.

There is a lot of silent eating. There is lots of pausing mid spoonful to get a close up. You will develop a weird complex about how you put food in your mouth. You will get annoyed and strung out because you’re essentially being experimented on while you eat.

There's a lot of delirium.

There's lots of sitting around.

Unlike some other high pressure reality competitions, on Come Dine there’s a lot of off time together off camera. And, what happens off camera stays off camera. So, if there’s beef, you might not see it on air. But you still drag all those feelings and thoughts in front of the lens.

Also, in the down time there were certain things you weren’t allowed to ‘reveal’ about yourself until your night. Jobs. Where you live. Hobbies and interests. They want to see how people react. So, at the beginning that added extra strain to eating with five strangers.

There is a lot of repeating yourself. All of the reactions you see on camera are genuine. But, what gets to the telly is probably the fourth time you’ve said it because the first time the camera was looking somewhere else when you made the silly interjection or someone looked at the camera. Sometimes this added to the hilarity. Sometimes it made you want to throw a fork at Dave.

Ulterior motives

This is not a dinner party.

My face the whole time I was cooking

If you go into a competition like this with a killer instinct you’ll go wrong. There’s no expert panel of judges. There’s no amount of training that gets you top marks. They’ve deliberately picked people who hate your food. So, winning is partly to do with getting along with people.

My group gelled because, I think, we were all in it for the experience. Yes, we wanted to win. But, when that’s the only agenda it’s hard to relax and laugh at some of the more ridiculous aspects of asking five strangers to cook for each other… on TV.

What I wanted from the experience was three fold.

1. I’m a writer and it’s a unique experience I could write about.
2. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I wanted to challenge myself. If I could make it through the week without totally losing my s**t it’s a win!
3. £1000 would pay for my trip to my friend’s wedding in America and to see my family.

My group were all in it for different aspects of what the experience could bring. It meant when something didn’t go as planned it wasn’t too big of a deal. We were after something else. And I think we found it.

God bless the production crew

This is not a dinner party.

Be nice to your crew. Look after them and they will look after you. ‘Cause, you know, that’s how people work in general.

We had a great production team. It’s not their job to be chipper and personable. Some of them weren’t. Most of them were. Either way, all of them were 24/7 professionals with long days and lots of work to do. The edges frayed at times for all the contestants and the crew kept us together.

They are a HUGE part of the experience. They cracked us up at times. They parented us when we were misbehaving. They were kind when we needed understanding.

I personally appreciated how encouraging they were. Someone smiling at you and saying ‘great job’ makes a difference when you’re overwhelmed and freaking out about the texture of your strawberry coulis.

It's a performance

This is not a dinner party.

Ready for my close up

It’s a performance. I did things that I probably wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t being filmed.

Artistic plating of food can go f**k itself. And I now own more ramekins then I ever wanted!

I’m not someone who’s ‘always on’. As a writer I spend a lot of time in my head. But, thankfully the crew and other contestants helped me keep it in perspective. You’ve only got to be ‘on’ when the cameras are on. The rest of the time you can fold yourself inward like a paranoid transformer - Introvert-a-tron, roll out!.

And if ‘you’ is someone who is kind and decent and fun, you’ll be fine.

Other tidbits

If you’re funny about people touching you, you will hate this. Fortunately our sound guy had the gentle caress of a new lover and that made it delightful. ;-)

You’re guaranteed to be served food you don’t like. It’s embarrassing and in real life you might choke it down to be polite. It’s a relief that they want to see you NOT eat something you hate. It’s part of the show. Enjoy the break from decorum.

The time eating is less than you’d think. There will be lots of time to chill and drink. So beware the bottle because: Bored + tired + alcohol + people telling you what to do = grumpy times. The crew are good about reminding you of this because they don’t want to work with drunken idiots. Listen to them.

Talk to your friends. If you become friends with your group, awesome. But, you still need reality checks. An intense week can mean the little things become big things. It doesn’t really matter though.

And remember, this is not a dinner party!

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh

Being real on reality TV - Come Dine with Me

I had a dream that Dave Lamb sat on the edge of my bed and whispered in my ear, "Your makeup is terrible." I looked up and he transformed into RuPaul, laughing that maniacal beautifully toothed laugh. I looked around and I was in a line up between Bob the Drag Queen, Sasha Velour, Bianca Del Rio, Trixie Mattel, and Kim Chi. They were all in full glamourous drag and I was in nothing but my underpants, love handles melting over the tight elastic band like a candle left out in the sun.

I was going to be on reality TV.

No, not Rupaul's Drag Race. I was a contestant on Channel 4's Come Dine with Me in Edinburgh.

We all have an idea of who we are. Even the most cynical misanthrope has an image they believe they project to the world. But reality TV, no matter how intense, definitely plays with your sense of self image. That short-long week taught me something about who I am and how I think I show that to the world.

I hope I got some of it right. One or two (or maybe more) things I'd do differently if I could. But, here’s what I learned about being ‘real’ on TV.

**No spoilers! So I won’t be dishing about fellow contestants or who won. But if you’re all about the TV magic and suspension of disbelief, stop!**

Who is she?

On the first night, we eyed each other up wondering: Am I the villain? Am I the clown? Am I the show stealing attention monster?

A friend who works in production gave me some great advice: Ask them who they think you are.

When I asked the production team I was told what parts of my personality “popped” for them. We talked about what things they wanted to highlight and we had a good chat about what things I wanted to show off. There were things that they thought were “fun” that I didn’t feel comfortable being my first impression.

What came from the conversation was an appreciation of what they needed. And it let me be comfortable with the gags and silly things that they wanted to do or ask. I was in on the joke. My friends and family will get the joke when they see it too. And people who don’t know me will see a side of me that I’m comfortable with.

As the week went on I asked the director how I was coming across now that things were going.

Director: What comes through is that you’re a bit goofy and like to laugh. You also have a bit of a naughty sense of humour.

Me: I’m cool with that.

Director: Great! Now put your face in that bowl and lick it like a thousand pounds is at stake!

Me: *slurp*

The 'Bitch Take'

"They edited me to look bad. I'm really not a bitchy person!"

I get it. It's high pressure. You're tired. Probably a little drunk and hungover at the same time as well. If you have a verbal rapier in your arsenal it will probably come out. But remember to stop!

The bottom line is if you’re a bit of a salty queen and you say something nasty, they will probably use it. Own it.

Yes, maybe it’s out of context. But if you’re slagging off someone’s outfit and they cut off how you qualified the comment, maybe you shouldn’t have said it.

My general rule of thumb is never say something behind someone’s back that you won’t say to their face.

Come Dine with Me is probably on the lower end of the pressured filming spectrum. And I was soooooo lucky to have been on the show with such a good group. But the greatest thing was we were honest with each other about what we thought (I hope). That made the fear of ‘how I’ll look’ a lot less dangerous.

I was super hungover and exhausted after my night

There's probably only one moment where I let myself down on that front... but you'll have to see for yourself.

What am I so afraid of?

Passive aggression is the natural language of my people. When I'm tired, stressed and feel threatened or sad I retreat and plot my cold revenge.


I was afraid of coming across as grumpy or petty – real life insecurities that I was terrified would become part of my 'reality' TV experience.

By midweek I was tired and morose. My mental guards cracked and I started to feel boring because here were four other super interesting people showing off their sparkling personalities. This is when the angry whispering voice in my head starts telling me I’m shit and I become insecure and turn into said above salty queen.


What helped me keep it at bay (I hope) was:

• the other contestants – we laughed so freaking much. It’s a lesson I’ve learned over and over in life. When I’m feeling down I need to see friends and laugh and recharge and remind myself that grumpy Harry is just the tiredness. Not who I am.
• the crew – I was open with both the other contestants and crew about my own issues with mental ill health. They gave me space to be tired and cheered me on. And helped remind me the whole thing was just a bit of fun. So I should enjoy it.

Also, on my night I legit hid in my room for like 10 minutes in just my pants, remembering my breathing and mindfulness techniques, while I was supposed to be ‘getting ready’. Production be damned. If you can't love yourself, right?

Stop! Listen. Think. Speak.

You can’t totally ‘control’ how you come off in the end. The producers have to make entertaining TV. But you can make sure that the raw material they have to work with is genuinely you.

The production team asks you to stop all the time so they can retake shots to look good. There’s no reason you can’t do the same thing when they ask you a question.

Stop. Listen. Stop. Think. Stop. Speak.

Liar liar

Don’t lie! If your host asks you what you think. Be honest. If you lie and then give your honest opinion in your interview you will look like a psychopath. Also, the other contestants aren’t stupid. You’ve been put together because you have differing tastes. Lying just shows you up to be crazy and a ‘game player’.

No means no

If you don't feel comfortable saying something on camera, just say so. We were all more extreme versions of ourselves to get cast. We threw out opinions left and right to be the people we needed to be to make interesting TV. But, the other half of reality TV is reality.

On night one someone shared opinions that I wholly disagreed with. In interviews I was asked to make a judgement about that person’s statement. After several minutes of dancing around saying “I think they’re judgemental” I finally said “I’m not going to say that.”

My values mean I don’t judge people off one interaction. But I was afraid that I would somehow fail if I wasn’t outrageous. However, there is nowhere in the contract that says you have to say things you don’t want.

The production team are there to help steer you. But they can't do that unless you tell them where your boundaries are.

Have fun

It’s all a bit of a laugh. You might have to come out of yourself a bit, but you’ve been picked for your opinions and personality. If it doesn’t go against your values give it a shot. Make suggestions. Try new things. Work with the production team to get the most out of it. You’re there to entertain as well as have fun.

And fun it was! Let's hope it stays that way once I see the show!!

Oh and, when in doubt, add....

GLITTER

Why I can't watch English rugby

English rugby fans are known for singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" as one of their 'victory' songs. But, as a Black American and rugby supporter, I just can't stomach the sound of it. When I hear it I recoil in the same way as when people have hurled racial abuse at me on the bus.

The Fisk Singers were the first to perform "Swing Low"

I've felt this way about the song for a long time but hadn't been able to articulate why it incensced me so much. Then I read a great article about 'Spirituals are the songs of slavery - here's why it's important who sings them' and it helped me crystalise my ideas on the subject and why.

What is "Swing Low"?

Elijah getting raptured like a boss

Swing Low Sweet Chariot is an African-American spiritual based on the biblical story of Elijah.
"2 Kings 2:11 - And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." Then he dropped his mantle back down to Elisha - the first mic drop of history

The song is believed to have been originally sung by Wallace Willis when he was still a slave and transcribed for the the Fisk Jubilee Singers. The group then brought the song, as well as some of Willis' other songs, to prominence. As with many spirituals, Willis' songs were likely learned while at church or working in the fields. 

Why slaves sang

Slaves weren't allowed to congregate outside of church on Sunday. In fact, when African slaves were first brought to America they were deliberately split up from people who spoke the same language so that they couldn't communicate or remember practices and traditions from their homeland. Children of slaves were often taken from their parents and sold as well.

However, songs and melodies transcended this lack of common background and music soon developed as a way of communicating, and new aural traditions were born. Singing not only helped pass the time while enduring inhuman work conditions, it allowed them to communicate feelings, beliefs, and later pass on secret messages. 

Better off dead

"Swing Low Sweet Chariot" is a song about belief in the after life and deliverance from the horrors of slavery. It exclaims "I looked over Jordan and what did I see? A band of angels coming after me (coming for to a carry me home)." The song, as in many spirituals, is about the unshakeable belief in a better after life. It's a plea to be taken "home" to heaven - a plea for death.

Spirituals are songs charged with history. My enslaved ancestors' dichotomous spirit of defiance and despair; hope and hopelessness still shakes me to my core. To know that they still had hope despite the horrific conditions they lived under shows a fortitude of character and spirit that I don't think most of us could muster today.

Most spirituals have a common thread of the after life being a promise of something better - a reward for the pain suffered in life. It's pretty grim, but impressive that they managed to stay alive (and sane) through it.

So what's my beef with English rugby

It's not that 'other people' can't sing the song. But, it should be sung with the understanding of what it means and in tribute to the people who created it. It's not a rugby chant for a bit of levity to be sung by a bunch of people who's ancestors were responsible for people needing to create the song in the first place. It'd be like the ex who cheated on you reading your mournful break up poetry as a toast to their new bride.

Better yet, imagine your mopey teen daughter singing "soon I will be done with the troubles of the world" - another actual spiritual. You'd be pretty worried wouldn't you? Then if she actually died, imagine they start singing the song down the pub as part of a drinking game?

A song that encompasses the hope and horror of slavery, a period in history who's affects are still being felt in our culture, can't really be divorced from the context because a bunch of people want it to.

Conversation with actual English rugby fan
"We're proud of our song," - It's not your song.
"It's not about slavery," - Oh yes it is.
"But that's not what we're singing about," - My point exactly
"It's just a song," - Yeah? And a hijab is technically just a piece of cloth. But y'all are still mad about people trying to wear them. Other people's culture is either meaningful or not. You can't have it both ways?
"But we started singing it to celebrate a black guy who scored tries," - What the actual f**k? (seriously, look up Chris Oti). That kind of makes it worse.

Apparently, the Oti thing is only part of the story. It's reported that a group of fans from Market Bosworth in England helped kick it off in 1988 and it's stuck ever since.

"No body really knew what it was or where it came from. It just sort of became the anthem for the supporters of the England team." Well, I do know where it came from and it's not about your team "being under the cosh".

I'm not saying there's ever been any ill-intention. But, that doesn't make me less sad to hear it misappropriated. A bunch of white dudes trying to win at sports ball isn't at all equal to the desire of a repressed race deciding being dead will be a relief from life.

Cultural imperialism

You can't just have it because you want it. Some things come with baggage. It's not that you can't appreciate it or celebrate it. But sometimes it's not appropriate to use. For example, even though the 'N' word is used by black rappers and Eminem grew up in mostly black neighbourhoods and is a rapper, he still won't use the 'N' word. Why? Because it's not appropriate. It's not his word to reclaim.

England's history of colonisation and cultural appropriation is obvious to anyone who's read a history book. And, guess what? The original Americans were English. Americans are your bratty long lost cousin. They went to American, murdered the natives, then came back across the water, kidnapped a bunch of other folks, then put them to work as slaves.

So much of our culture in both American and Britain are infact parts that we've absorbed through our multicultural heritage. The problem is the refusal to acknowledge and respect the backgrounds that bring them to us, or a lack of understanding of and an inability to own up to the places where that history caused hurt.

Sadly, Brexit for some was a demonstration of the overwhelming lack of understanding. Everybody loves curry and shampoo. But some people still have issue with Indian neighbours. Well, the sad news is all the brown people you want gone are here because you took over their countries and were forced to have reciprocal immigration policies. They're not going to go away because of the European Union.

What to do with English rugby?

I don't think anything's going to change because some opinionated Black guy writes a blog about it. I either don't watch England matches or watch with the sound off (don't get me started on the crazy biased commentary as well). Because when I hear a big ol' group of English fans sing "Swing low" it's like hearing them use the 'N' word. Cutlture was stolen from my ancestors. But, despite the worst odds and conditions, they continued to hope and dream and be creative and stay strong. They carried bits of their heritage inside of them. Then they took the words and worship that were available to them and assembled something new and amazing.

And now someone has stolen that.