TV Magic - Lessons from Come Dine with Me

Lights! Camera! Action!

We had a mantra - 'This is not a dinner party. This is TV'

I had the pleasure, privelege and trauma of being on Come Dine With Me in Edinburgh in 2018. I've thrown dinner parties for large groups. I've been on Holywood film sets. So I thought I had this in the bag. But, the mental pressure and hard work that goes into making reality TV is soooooo different than what I was expecting.

Here’s what I found out from my fun foray into the world of reality TV.

**No spoilers! So I won’t be dishing about who won. But if you’re all about the TV magic and suspension of disbelief, stop!**

Laugh. Rinse. Repeat.

This is not a dinner party. It's a film set.

There is a lot of silent eating. There is lots of pausing mid spoonful to get a close up. You will develop a weird complex about how you put food in your mouth. You will get annoyed and strung out because you’re essentially being experimented on while you eat.

There's a lot of delirium.

There's lots of sitting around.

Unlike some other high pressure reality competitions, on Come Dine there’s a lot of off time together off camera. And, what happens off camera stays off camera. So, if there’s beef, you might not see it on air. But you still drag all those feelings and thoughts in front of the lens.

Also, in the down time there were certain things you weren’t allowed to ‘reveal’ about yourself until your night. Jobs. Where you live. Hobbies and interests. They want to see how people react. So, at the beginning that added extra strain to eating with five strangers.

There is a lot of repeating yourself. All of the reactions you see on camera are genuine. But, what gets to the telly is probably the fourth time you’ve said it because the first time the camera was looking somewhere else when you made the silly interjection or someone looked at the camera. Sometimes this added to the hilarity. Sometimes it made you want to throw a fork at Dave.

Ulterior motives

This is not a dinner party.

My face the whole time I was cooking

If you go into a competition like this with a killer instinct you’ll go wrong. There’s no expert panel of judges. There’s no amount of training that gets you top marks. They’ve deliberately picked people who hate your food. So, winning is partly to do with getting along with people.

My group gelled because, I think, we were all in it for the experience. Yes, we wanted to win. But, when that’s the only agenda it’s hard to relax and laugh at some of the more ridiculous aspects of asking five strangers to cook for each other… on TV.

What I wanted from the experience was three fold.

1. I’m a writer and it’s a unique experience I could write about.
2. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I wanted to challenge myself. If I could make it through the week without totally losing my s**t it’s a win!
3. £1000 would pay for my trip to my friend’s wedding in America and to see my family.

My group were all in it for different aspects of what the experience could bring. It meant when something didn’t go as planned it wasn’t too big of a deal. We were after something else. And I think we found it.

God bless the production crew

This is not a dinner party.

Be nice to your crew. Look after them and they will look after you. ‘Cause, you know, that’s how people work in general.

We had a great production team. It’s not their job to be chipper and personable. Some of them weren’t. Most of them were. Either way, all of them were 24/7 professionals with long days and lots of work to do. The edges frayed at times for all the contestants and the crew kept us together.

They are a HUGE part of the experience. They cracked us up at times. They parented us when we were misbehaving. They were kind when we needed understanding.

I personally appreciated how encouraging they were. Someone smiling at you and saying ‘great job’ makes a difference when you’re overwhelmed and freaking out about the texture of your strawberry coulis.

It's a performance

This is not a dinner party.

Ready for my close up

It’s a performance. I did things that I probably wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t being filmed.

Artistic plating of food can go f**k itself. And I now own more ramekins then I ever wanted!

I’m not someone who’s ‘always on’. As a writer I spend a lot of time in my head. But, thankfully the crew and other contestants helped me keep it in perspective. You’ve only got to be ‘on’ when the cameras are on. The rest of the time you can fold yourself inward like a paranoid transformer - Introvert-a-tron, roll out!.

And if ‘you’ is someone who is kind and decent and fun, you’ll be fine.

Other tidbits

If you’re funny about people touching you, you will hate this. Fortunately our sound guy had the gentle caress of a new lover and that made it delightful. ;-)

You’re guaranteed to be served food you don’t like. It’s embarrassing and in real life you might choke it down to be polite. It’s a relief that they want to see you NOT eat something you hate. It’s part of the show. Enjoy the break from decorum.

The time eating is less than you’d think. There will be lots of time to chill and drink. So beware the bottle because: Bored + tired + alcohol + people telling you what to do = grumpy times. The crew are good about reminding you of this because they don’t want to work with drunken idiots. Listen to them.

Talk to your friends. If you become friends with your group, awesome. But, you still need reality checks. An intense week can mean the little things become big things. It doesn’t really matter though.

And remember, this is not a dinner party!

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh