The Gay Question - Come Dine With Me

I was on the gayest Come Dine With Me ever!

No time to be shy. 10s across the board!

As a Black gay man in a predominantly white heterosexual country I was a little bit nervous about going on Come Dine With Me. Reality TV is designed to put people of differing opinions together in a confined stressful situation. I was almost certain that one of my two 'differences' were going to be a plot point. And, let's face it, there's always one gay guy who either plays the role of the villain or the puppy in these things. I wasn't happy to be either. So when I realised all of the men in my group were gay, it meant that I could relax my guard around those issues. And it opened a whole other can of worms!

First contact

"Just knock on the door, say hello, and walk in."

The door swung open and inside stood James. He had all the height and warmth of Hagrid but was better groomed and impeccably dressed in a floral print shirt and kilt. I relaxed a little. I could instantly tell from the bright colours of his home (and shirt) that I was in the presence of another arty person. I also thought I recognised him. Possibly from the 'scene'. But, I definitely knew his face from a 'gay context'. I wasn't sure what. But it didn't matter. I was in a gay-safe space.

"Come through," James said, ushering me into the flat.

Stop. Do it again for the cameras. Look more surprised (and less nervous). The production team took over and after a moment I was shown to our holding cell... I mean green room... I mean the living room.

As I rounded the corner I was bedazzled by a vision of a man shimmering from head to toe. I noticed the gold jacket first and I thought, "Phew! I was worried my tie was going to be too bright!" The man inside the jacket, Bruce, was crowned with platinum blonde hair, and the glimmer from his diamond earring and ring were like crack for my ADD brain. Bruce announced his presence with his wardrobe.

Boys on film

We instantly introduced ourselves. But that was the wrong thing to do because it wasn't on camera. We introduced ourselves three more times for the camera. James handed me a margarita which I started drinking before I was meant to. And then the production team left to set up the next guest's arrival.

We three eyed each other up warily. We were three gay men... alone in a room... on reality tv. What were they planning?

Reading rainbow

I was secretly relieved, standing there in my bow tie and round specs. I was not the only gay in the village. And, next to James and Bruce in their fabulous outfits I was practically wallpaper (I wasn't really, but I have to add a bit of drama for affect).

As I'm wont to do, I tried to fill the silence with inane chatter and made some comment about tequila being my dance on tables juice.

We were then told not to talk too much. Save it for the cameras.

So, the point of commonality between the three men was never actually mentioned and hung between us like stagnant water. We poured alcohol and food over the question and the introductions rolled on. We met Aisling and Katy and other bits of unknown creeped into the growing trepidation. The 'gay' question became irrelevant as we got down to the more pressing matters of who didn't like cheese, how long things were going to take, and who would snap first under Henrietta's guantanimo style questioning.

 

beginning of the night

Finally, mid-week, after the familiarity of libations loosened our lips, the gay question came up.

end of the night

3 fairies, a witch and a leprechaun walk into a bar

"Did you get three gay guys on purpose?" we asked the production team off camera. By this time, we'd all talked about our husbands and boyfriends. So, it was no secret (not that it could have been if we tried).

"It came up once in pre-production. But, you were all the best group and someone pointed out it wouldn't be an issue if you were all straight men," one of the production team said.

But, we were in fact the first Come Dine where all the men were openly gay men. And, let's be honest, from our personalities, it was clear they were hoping for fireworks. However, we were less like cats in a bag and more like Alvin and the Chipmunks - three very different guys who got along and happened to be gay.

FYI: Bruce = Alvin, the trendy, flashy one. James = Theodore, the quiet, kind, loveable one. Me = Simon, the slightly over serious, responsible one.

And, despite the potential for high drama among the boys, we had two incredibly amazing ladies with big personalities. They weren't there to be the supporting cast to our gay shenanigans. The casting crew got it right. What ever potential for ire and 'oh no she betta don'ts' melted away under the fun of a group who genuinely wanted to get along... and win £1000.

Proud

When too many people of any gender and sexual preference are in a room together there's going to be an element of competition. For attention, for alpha status, for whatever. Let's face it we're biolgical monsters that way. Add in an actual competition... watch out! Come Dine With Me isn't just about food. It's about charm and getting people to like you, and having fun. So, it was a bit dubious when I found out that of the 5 contestants, the 3 men were gay. I could imagine the teeth grinding awkwardeness (and glitter) that the producers were probably hoping for - the kind of infamous disasters that reality TV dynasties are built on.

Yes, there was tension. But, I'm so proud of how well we got on despite our different views. We didn't set out to make a point. But, all three of us are reasonable men who happen to be gay. And we had two fabulous ladies keeping us right.

And, more than that, the 'gay question' wasn't a question. We were judged, as Dr Martin Luther King Jr so dreamed, "on the content of our character". We're living in an amazing time of growing acceptance for the LGBT community (amidst some of the more worrying far-right sentiments on the rise). And it was nice to see all us of showing that acceptance on so many levels.

When glitter goes wrong

This was not a Come Dine With Me that would have happened five years ago. It wasn't TV that would have happened at all. At best, there was only room for a Will and a Jack. So, one of us would have had to go. It was refreshing and exciting to think that, at some point, the casting crew on a national network saw past the obvious 'gag' of having a token gay guy. Or making it some sort of 'Queer as Folk' homage.

We painted with all colours of the rainbow

Our sexual orientation was never brought up on camera - the gay question wasn't a plot point. We did joke about it privately - we came to refer to Katy as our fairy god mother, her three fairies and her leprechaun (Aisling being Irish). However, we weren't a gimmick - the all gay male Come Dine With Me. We talked about our hopes and fears and hobbies and quirks, and obviously our food! We are, all five of us, interesting characters, different colourful strands of an amazing tapestry of odd human behaviour. And by jove, we all just so happened to like guys. Big deal!

I thank Aisling, Katy, James and Bruce for being so supportive and wonderful. They made the experience the fun I hoped it would be. I was lucky to have the added bonus of being on a Come Dine With Me first. I felt the weight and wonder of that first, and I think it will surprise, and hopefully encourage, people. Three gay men at a dinner party isn't a sideshow. We're just people who're willing to embarass ourselves on TV to win a £1000, just like every other weirdo.

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh