Showing posts with label LGBTQ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBTQ. Show all posts

Sunday, 31 May 2020

The world watching America - Black Lives Matter

Today, like the last few days, news is filled with stories about the protests in US because of George Floyd and the ongoing decimation of Black lives in the US perpetrated by Police and citizens taking the law into their own hands. And, as I read about the protests all I can think is, "good".

Will these protests change anything? Doubtful, given the current administration full of bullies, sycophants and sadistic narcissistic capitalists. But Black people deserved to vent their anger and fear - the frustration and rage at the racism and murderous intent by institutions that have persisted over the last 400 years. 

Racism is simple: It's valuing the lives, attitudes and culture of one race over another. Police in America continue to value the lives of white citizens and police officers over those of Black and Brown people. Police officers take an oath to "serve and protect", not play judge and executioner. Yet, we know for a fact that as long as you are white and have a gun or a badge, it is completely fine for you to kill a Black person in cold blood. 

Growing up in the US I lived my life encased in that fear - around every corner someone was going to kill me whether I did anything wrong or not. My life was in the hands of everyone but me. And, it wasn't until I left America and learned to live outside of that constant terror that I realised the true impact of it. 

I wonder who I might have been if I hadn't been taught never to go into a shop unless I was actually going to buy something - my mother handing me a $5 bill. Not to spend. It was protection in case someone accused me of stealing. I only learned to 'browse' in shops on a trip to Belgium last year when a friend pointed out that I didn't have to stare through shop windows to assess if I might actually buy something.

What else could I have done with my mind if I hadn't been trained to observe walking down the street as an obstacle course and exercise in artifice - try not to look too threatening to that white lady, but try not to look so weak as to be susceptible to victimisation from people who are so oppressed that they'll look for anyone that they can put down.  

What else might I have accomplished if I hadn't learned to see tragedy as common place, locking my anger away until it festered and contorted itself into a constant anxiety for fear of manifesting any negative emotion lest I be labelled as an angry Black man - a spoiled unusable thing in a society that valued my compliance to preconceptions of brutishness or docile servitude. 

Who would my nieces and nephew become if they didn't have to live with the same burdens I grew up with - Black boys who dress like that are thugs. Black girls who dress like that are hoes. Black skin is a risk to your life expectancy. 

Living outside the US I remember the first time I caught someone staring at me in a shop and I realised they thought I was attractive instead of suspecting me as a thief. Before leaving the US I never had the capacity to accept that other people saw me as anything other than Black and dangerous. And I wondered how many relationships or opportunities I had eschewed because my only experience prior to that was that if someone is staring at me it's because they are afraid of me and will hurt me?

The real thief is the persistent racism in America that robs Black people of the gift of freedom - freedom from the deep personal, mental, emotional and physical shackles that keep a race of people from actualising their potential - a freedom that so many other groups could find simply by anglicising their surnames and blending in if they choose (not that anyone should have to).

Being Black is so much more than pain and suffering. There is joy. There is family. There is food and culture and art and so much beauty. But, how much more could we be as a people if our kids didn't have to learn the painful lessons we learned, that our parents learned, that our grandparents and their grandparents learned over and over?

I've seen literally seen Black people murdered in the street. My parents have too. My grand parents saw them hanged. And their grand parents saw them ripped apart by whips and dogs. What generation will no longer see Black people dragged in the street and killed by 'the law' just for existing in the same space as white people?

I live in Scotland now. And, even as a Black, gay, immigrant with disabilities, I see the opportunities I have here to expand myself and for the country as a whole to do something different - to really change the game in race equality in a predominantly white society. Scotland has the chance to write a new narrative for the ever increasing minority communities that come to these shores. I hope we take every opportunity we're given.

But, I also can't hide from the horror in my home country because every time I turn on the news there is someone dying in horrific and completely avoidable way. I can't avoid it when I close my eyes because I relive the memories of the first time I realised a white person could limit my opportunities simply because they didn't like me based on the colour of my skin. 

The world now sees through social media the reality of relentless evil and dehumanisation that Black people in America have been subjected to every day since that first ship brought "20 and odd negroes" to (what is now) Virginia in 1619.

In so many respects the world is watching the US, previously as a leader and now as a twisted cautionary tale. But, how can it truly be a lesson unless the rest of the world, Scotland included, take action to do something about it?

I was once told that racism is a downward escalator. The racists are actively walking down, being carried along at double speed. Most people are standing still, complicit and carried along whether they want to or not. And, even those who are moving backward are just standing still, stagnating in their efforts because of their slow pace. The only real way to combat it is to work twice as hard to go upwards in the other direction.

How are you fighting to go the other way? How are you helping take us further away from the ultimate evil that will see the continued denigration and eventual destruction of a people?

We need white allies just as much as we need Black people standing up for their right to exist without fear of being murdered. Time to put that white saviour complex to good use! We need to be united in our abhorrence of the treatment of Black and Brown people in America. We need other countries to openly condemn and sanction the persistent and insidious human rights violations that are perpetuated on American soil every day. Maybe the world will unite in this unprecedented time of pandemic fear and death to say to the US powerhouse, "We're not ok with what you're doing to your citizens", so that one day America can really call itself the land of the free, not just for white people. 

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

The Gay Question - Come Dine With Me

I was on the gayest Come Dine With Me ever!

Harry Dozier - Come Dine With Me Edinburgh
No time to be shy. 10s across the board!
As a Black gay man in a predominantly white heterosexual country I was a little bit nervous about going on Come Dine With Me. Reality TV is designed to put people of differing opinions together in a confined stressful situation. I was almost certain that one of my two 'differences' were going to be a plot point. And, let's face it, there's always one gay guy who either plays the role of the villain or the puppy in these things. I wasn't happy to be either. So when I realised all of the men in my group were gay, it meant that I could relax my guard around those issues. And it opened a whole other can of worms!

First contact

"Just knock on the door, say hello, and walk in."

The door swung open and inside stood James. He had all the height and warmth of Hagrid but was better groomed and impeccably dressed in a floral print shirt and kilt. I relaxed a little. I could instantly tell from the bright colours of his home (and shirt) that I was in the presence of another arty person. I also thought I recognised him. Possibly from the 'scene'. But, I definitely knew his face from a 'gay context'. I wasn't sure what. But it didn't matter. I was in a gay-safe space.

"Come through," James said, ushering me into the flat.

Stop. Do it again for the cameras. Look more surprised (and less nervous). The production team took over and after a moment I was shown to our holding cell... I mean green room... I mean the living room.

As I rounded the corner I was bedazzled by a vision of a man shimmering from head to toe. I noticed the gold jacket first and I thought, "Phew! I was worried my tie was going to be too bright!" The man inside the jacket, Bruce, was crowned with platinum blonde hair, and the glimmer from his diamond earring and ring were like crack for my ADD brain. Bruce announced his presence with his wardrobe.
Me on Come Dine With Me Edinburgh 2018
Boys on film

We instantly introduced ourselves. But that was the wrong thing to do because it wasn't on camera. We introduced ourselves three more times for the camera. James handed me a margarita which I started drinking before I was meant to. And then the production team left to set up the next guest's arrival.

We three eyed each other up warily. We were three gay men... alone in a room... on reality tv. What were they planning?

Reading rainbow

I was secretly relieved, standing there in my bow tie and round specs. I was not the only gay in the village. And, next to James and Bruce in their fabulous outfits I was practically wallpaper (I wasn't really, but I have to add a bit of drama for affect).

As I'm wont to do, I tried to fill the silence with inane chatter and made some comment about tequila being my dance on tables juice.

We were then told not to talk too much. Save it for the cameras.

So, the point of commonality between the three men was never actually mentioned and hung between us like stagnant water. We poured alcohol and food over the question and the introductions rolled on. We met Aisling and Katy and other bits of unknown creeped into the growing trepidation. The 'gay' question became irrelevant as we got down to the more pressing matters of who didn't like cheese, how long things were going to take, and who would snap first under Henrietta's guantanimo style questioning.

Come Dine With Me contestants Edinburgh 2018 
beginning of the night
Finally, mid-week, after the familiarity of libations loosened our lips, the gay question came up.

Come Dine With Me Edinburgh Contestants
end of the night

3 fairies, a witch and a leprechaun walk into a bar

"Did you get three gay guys on purpose?" we asked the production team off camera. By this time, we'd all talked about our husbands and boyfriends. So, it was no secret (not that it could have been if we tried).

Come Dine With Me - Alvin and the Chipmunks"It came up once in pre-production. But, you were all the best group and someone pointed out it wouldn't be an issue if you were all straight men," one of the production team said.

But, we were in fact the first Come Dine where all the men were openly gay men. And, let's be honest, from our personalities, it was clear they were hoping for fireworks. However, we were less like cats in a bag and more like Alvin and the Chipmunks - three very different guys who got along and happened to be gay.

FYI: Bruce = Alvin, the trendy, flashy one. James = Theodore, the quiet, kind, loveable one. Me = Simon, the slightly over serious, responsible one.

And, despite the potential for high drama among the boys, we had two incredibly amazing ladies with big personalities. They weren't there to be the supporting cast to our gay shenanigans. The casting crew got it right. What ever potential for ire and 'oh no she betta don'ts' melted away under the fun of a group who genuinely wanted to get along... and win £1000.

Proud

When too many people of any gender and sexual preference are in a room together there's going to be an element of competition. For attention, for alpha status, for whatever. Let's face it we're biolgical monsters that way. Add in an actual competition... watch out! Come Dine With Me isn't just about food. It's about charm and getting people to like you, and having fun. So, it was a bit dubious when I found out that of the 5 contestants, the 3 men were gay. I could imagine the teeth grinding awkwardeness (and glitter) that the producers were probably hoping for - the kind of infamous disasters that reality TV dynasties are built on.

Yes, there was tension. But, I'm so proud of how well we got on despite our different views. We didn't set out to make a point. But, all three of us are reasonable men who happen to be gay. And we had two fabulous ladies keeping us right.

And, more than that, the 'gay question' wasn't a question. We were judged, as Dr Martin Luther King Jr so dreamed, "on the content of our character". We're living in an amazing time of growing acceptance for the LGBT community (amidst some of the more worrying far-right sentiments on the rise). And it was nice to see all us of showing that acceptance on so many levels.

Come Dine with Me contestants covered in glitter
When glitter goes wrong
This was not a Come Dine With Me that would have happened five years ago. It wasn't TV that would have happened at all. At best, there was only room for a Will and a Jack. So, one of us would have had to go. It was refreshing and exciting to think that, at some point, the casting crew on a national network saw past the obvious 'gag' of having a token gay guy. Or making it some sort of 'Queer as Folk' homage.

Jake - Adventure Time - rainbow
We painted with all colours of the rainbow
Our sexual orientation was never brought up on camera - the gay question wasn't a plot point. We did joke about it privately - we came to refer to Katy as our fairy god mother, her three fairies and her leprechaun (Aisling being Irish). However, we weren't a gimmick - the all gay male Come Dine With Me. We talked about our hopes and fears and hobbies and quirks, and obviously our food! We are, all five of us, interesting characters, different colourful strands of an amazing tapestry of odd human behaviour. And by jove, we all just so happened to like guys. Big deal!

I thank Aisling, Katy, James and Bruce for being so supportive and wonderful. They made the experience the fun I hoped it would be. I was lucky to have the added bonus of being on a Come Dine With Me first. I felt the weight and wonder of that first, and I think it will surprise, and hopefully encourage, people. Three gay men at a dinner party isn't a sideshow. We're just people who're willing to embarass ourselves on TV to win a £1000, just like every other weirdo.

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

Freak Show - LGBTQ review

If ‘Mean Girls’ and ‘Rocky Horror’ and ‘Saved!’ got together in an open marriage and raised a slightly entitled but ultimately endearing child - 4/5 stars



An excellent film with strong LGBTQ themes ‘Freak Show’ will particularly find a home within the community and strike a serious chord with the millennial generation.

Adapted from the James St James (‘Party Monster’) novel, gender-bending, bullying, identity and belonging are all handled here with the expected amount of care and fabulousness. Trudy Styler’s directorial debut shows some signs of an inaugural project shot on a 22 day schedule. While an adept producer (‘Snatch’, ‘Filth’), Styler’s direction is slightly uneven. However, she successfully creates a moody, poignant and endearing film thanks largely to the casting of Alex Lawther ('Imitation Game', 'X+Y') as the main character, Billy Bloom.

Lawther’s performance is powerfully etherial. It deserves the type of iconic status lauded on Tim Curry and Guy Pearce in similar LGBTQ roles. Billy’s loud, he’s fabulous and so beautifully nuanced you’d hardly believe he wasn’t that queer* kid you knew in high school destined to be a New York trendsetter.

“Gender-obliterator” Billy

Freak Show - Alex Lawther
Alex Lawther is outstanding as Billy Bloom
With more than a smattering of Oscar Wilde quotes, the film sees Billy Bloom in a classic ‘fish out of water’ story. “Gender-obliterator” Billy is slightly unsympathetic at first as he moves from Connecticut to a small Virginia town. His fabulous mother, Bette Midler, whom he calls ‘Muv’, has armed him with a wardrobe of wigs and gowns as he’s sent to live with father, Larry Pine, whom Billy refers to as ‘Daddy’. It’s almost unbearable to watch as Billy preens and ‘hey-girl-heys’ his way through the first day of school. However, this is a reflection of his character - the caricature every teenager feels they need to play to be accepted.


After his mis-step Billy’s true heart is revealed. “I was used to being hated by some people. But not everyone,” we hear in voice-over as he privately rages in his wing of the house.

Category is – High school queer boy realness

Saved! - movie poster
'Freak Show' takes new stilettoed steps on
the well-trod teen dramady path
From there ‘Freak Show’ follows a well-worn story line but adds unexpected tweaks. AnnaSophia Robb ('Charlie and the Chocolate Factory', 'Race to Witch Mountain') is exquisitely endearing as more than forgettable fag-hag, solely known as ‘Blah Blah Blah’ or possibly, Mary-Jane. I can’t remember. Abigial Breslin (‘Little Miss Sunshine’, 'Zombieland') plays the holier-than-thou cheerleader homecoming queen, Lynette. We even get the queer-boy fantasy trope of the kindly jock, Flip Kelly, who might be gay played by Ian Nelson ('The Best of Me', 'The Boy Next Door'). It all paints a slightly more beautifully complex picture of reality than you’d expect.

But, that’s the problem. The film is painting us a picture in black light neon colours but telling us it's a photograph. It wants desperately to be authentic but sketches so many pastiche figures that it would lend itself more to satire than earnest. The jock, the mean girl, the overtly camp gay kid - it’s all so obvious at the start. But, the choice of direction is not. There are either too many winks to camera or not enough.

We get Lavern Cox who is radiant as the local reporter. Even John McEnroe, Styler’s real-life neighbour, is well placed as a sort of campy but sincere gym coach. It’s all very John Waters. But, the audience is only in on it some of the time, seeing the world through Billy’s sequinned Louis Vuitton spectacles. Other times we’re given the detached modern-punk-quirk docu-style grit that we’ve seen before from the film’s editor, Sarah Flack (‘Lost in Translation’, ‘Marie Antoinette’ and basically every Sophia Coppola flick). Tonally it doesn’t all hang together and the start of the film falls somewhere in between tongue-in-cheek and opera.

YASS, bish! Slay!

Freak Show - Trudy Styler
Alright, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up!
The film hit its stride once Billy and Flip’s friendship begins. Billy’s other-ness gains media attention and some traction in changing the hearts and minds of his classmates. Here, in the spotlight, Billy and his story ‘bloom’ and we really begin to feel the fantasy!

The young cast all pop in their individual performances. All around great guy/heart throb Flip can be a bit one note. And the comedy of Breslin’s Lynette is a bit hit and miss. But her prom queen speech is spot on with direct quotes from Donald Trump’s crib sheet.

The seasoned actors who take on the adult roles made the heartfelt moments mesmerising. Casting Celia Weston as the maid, Florence, kept this steady sage figure from being a stereotype. She held together the smaller moments, providing the warmth and down to earth roaming commentary needed to balance out the high drama. And yes, Bette Middler is just as magnificent, chic and heart breaking as you want her to be. The fan boy in me wanted a title track song! *dream big*

The 'sassy boy runs for prom-queen’ story that the film is billed on is thankfully saved for the third act. It’s actually more about Billy's discovery of self and and less about confrontation of ‘normal’. It's refreshing to see an LGBTQ person take the journey from 'thinking you know who you are and shoving it in other people’s faces' to 'knowing who you are and just being ok with it'. And every single character - young, old, gay, jock, cheerleader, ‘shadow people’ - are on that journey as well.

“Aren’t we all just freaks,” Billy concludes.

Don’t dream it. Just be it.

Rocky Horror Picture show
In some ways 'Freak Show' is braver than Rocky Horror
Overall, ‘Freak Show’ is one to watch. It’s a beautiful story of identity and gender ideas, and sadly the costs of standing up for that. It’s affirming in the idea that just by being yourself you win.

I’m sure that, if I was still in my 20s, this would have been a defining film for me. And I hope it will be for those who are. Still, I want to see ‘Freak Show’ again. I want to see it go on and inform and elevate the art and culture of today in ways that only queer culture can.

The problems in tone can be forgiven and ‘Freak Show’ stands strong among other LGBTQ films that have pushed the boundaries. Yes, this ground has been trod before. But ‘Freak Show’ has more than a little bit to add. It pushes the limit but makes us see that this gender-bending free expression is anything but deprave - it's beautiful, necessary and, yes, normal! We're here, we're queer, get used to it.

'Freak Show' aired at the Edinburgh International Film Festival in June 2017.

*Queer, being the ‘Q’ in LGBTQ in this case, can mean many things to many people. I’m using queer as meaning a self-defined group of people who don’t subscribe to traditional ideas of gender-identity and expression.