I was going to be on reality TV.
No, not Rupaul's Drag Race. I was a contestant on Channel 4's Come Dine with Me in Edinburgh.
We all have an idea of who we are. Even the most cynical misanthrope has an image they believe they project to the world. But reality TV, no matter how intense, definitely plays with your sense of self image. That short-long week taught me something about who I am and how I think I show that to the world.
I hope I got some of it right. One or two (or maybe more) things I'd do differently if I could. But, here’s what I learned about being ‘real’ on TV.
**No spoilers! So I won’t be dishing about fellow contestants or who won. But if you’re all about the TV magic and suspension of disbelief, stop!**
Who is she?
A friend who works in production gave me some great advice: Ask them who they think you are.
When I asked the production team I was told what parts of my personality “popped” for them. We talked about what things they wanted to highlight and we had a good chat about what things I wanted to show off. There were things that they thought were “fun” that I didn’t feel comfortable being my first impression.
What came from the conversation was an appreciation of what they needed. And it let me be comfortable with the gags and silly things that they wanted to do or ask. I was in on the joke. My friends and family will get the joke when they see it too. And people who don’t know me will see a side of me that I’m comfortable with.
As the week went on I asked the director how I was coming across now that things were going.
Director: What comes through is that you’re a bit goofy and like to laugh. You also have a bit of a naughty sense of humour.
Me: I’m cool with that.
Director: Great! Now put your face in that bowl and lick it like a thousand pounds is at stake!
Me: *slurp*
The 'Bitch Take'
I get it. It's high pressure. You're tired. Probably a little drunk and hungover at the same time as well. If you have a verbal rapier in your arsenal it will probably come out. But remember to stop!
The bottom line is if you’re a bit of a salty queen and you say something nasty, they will probably use it. Own it.
Yes, maybe it’s out of context. But if you’re slagging off someone’s outfit and they cut off how you qualified the comment, maybe you shouldn’t have said it.
My general rule of thumb is never say something behind someone’s back that you won’t say to their face.
Come Dine with Me is probably on the lower end of the pressured filming spectrum. And I was soooooo lucky to have been on the show with such a good group. But the greatest thing was we were honest with each other about what we thought (I hope). That made the fear of ‘how I’ll look’ a lot less dangerous.
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| I was super hungover and exhausted after my night |
What am I so afraid of?
Passive aggression is the natural language of my people. When I'm tired, stressed and feel threatened or sad I retreat and plot my cold revenge.
I was afraid of coming across as grumpy or petty – real life insecurities that I was terrified would become part of my 'reality' TV experience.
By midweek I was tired and morose. My mental guards cracked and I started to feel boring because here were four other super interesting people showing off their sparkling personalities. This is when the angry whispering voice in my head starts telling me I’m shit and I become insecure and turn into said above salty queen.
What helped me keep it at bay (I hope) was:
- the other contestants – we laughed so freaking much. It’s a lesson I’ve learned over and over in life. When I’m feeling down I need to see friends and laugh and recharge and remind myself that grumpy Harry is just the tiredness. Not who I am.
- the crew – I was open with both the other contestants and crew about my own issues with mental ill health. They gave me space to be tired and cheered me on. And helped remind me the whole thing was just a bit of fun. So I should enjoy it.
Stop! Listen. Think. Speak.
You can’t totally ‘control’ how you come off in the end. The producers have to make entertaining TV. But you can make sure that the raw material they have to work with is genuinely you.
The production team asks you to stop all the time so they can retake shots to look good. There’s no reason you can’t do the same thing when they ask you a question.
Stop. Listen. Stop. Think. Stop. Speak.
Liar liar
Don’t lie! If your host asks you what you think. Be honest. If you lie and then give your honest opinion in your interview you will look like a psychopath. Also, the other contestants aren’t stupid. You’ve been put together because you have differing tastes. Lying just shows you up to be crazy and a ‘game player’.
No means no
If you don't feel comfortable saying something on camera, just say so. We were all more extreme versions of ourselves to get cast. We threw out opinions left and right to be the people we needed to be to make interesting TV. But, the other half of reality TV is reality.On night one someone shared opinions that I wholly disagreed with. In interviews I was asked to make a judgement about that person’s statement. After several minutes of dancing around saying “I think they’re judgemental” I finally said “I’m not going to say that.”
My values mean I don’t judge people off one interaction. But I was afraid that I would somehow fail if I wasn’t outrageous. However, there is nowhere in the contract that says you have to say things you don’t want.
The production team are there to help steer you. But they can't do that unless you tell them where your boundaries are.
Have fun
It’s all a bit of a laugh. You might have to come out of yourself a bit, but you’ve been picked for your opinions and personality. If it doesn’t go against your values give it a shot. Make suggestions. Try new things. Work with the production team to get the most out of it. You’re there to entertain as well as have fun.And fun it was! Let's hope it stays that way once I see the show!!
Oh and, when in doubt, add....
GLITTER
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