Fun Dining – My night on Come Dine With Me

Come Dine With Me was a chance to bring all my hosting skills to bear. I was taught that the goal of having people in your house is to make them feel at home. That's what my night was all about - sharing a piece of me and letting people unwind. And hopefully my home cooking and heaped plates of food could win me the grand.

Come Dine With Us!!

Hosting versus Hospitality

I’ve eaten at Michelin Star restaurants. I enjoy a good 7 course taster menu. I know which cutlery to use when and the difference between a red and white wine glass. But, just because I’ve been to those restaurants doesn’t mean I can do what they do! (For one thing I don’t own the crockery - thanks Aisling who lent me some forks!)

Growing up in a Black American church, you learn that food is ministry. Food is community. Food is love. When someone is sick or loses a family member, you bring them food. As a kid, everyone who came into our house was offered food. Kids in my neighbourhood knew my mom as the lady who gave out ice pops to anyone on hot days. It’s how I learned to communicate the important ideals of togetherness and care. 

Christmas a la Dozier

Dinner parties were a communal affair – pot lucks. Everyone brings a really BIG dish of their favourite foods. And every family had a specialty. When I think of family meals I think of Sonia’s pulled pork, my dad’s dinner rolls and banana pudding, mom’s mac and cheese and greens, Miss Kay’s hot wings, and countless other ‘family specials’. Everyone gets a paper plate and cutlery and helps themselves. Then you stand around and talk and laugh and be together.

But, as a kid, I hated dinner parties. Crowded houses with loud conversation and carry on was overwhelming and made me want to hide in my bedroom. It wasn’t until I went to university and met my best friend that I learned the finer art of hosting.

Being a host

Hosting is hard work! And thankfully I learned it from my best friend, Ryan (she's the one who I have a tattoo of over my heart). As a dynamic duo hosting was easy. Ryan was front of house. She had the charm, refinement and social grace to cope with looking after every individual. I was back of house. I made sure everyone was enjoying music, made sure cups were full, and when the noise and chaos of the party got too much I had an excuse to duck into the back to refill the chip bowl.

Ryan (centre) hosting our last college dinner

But, the best thing I learned was this: in the middle of all the chaos and craziness find a moment to take a step back and listen. Are people laughing and having fun? Parties are about the people who are there, not about who couldn't make it. Parties are about making sure everyone's enjoying themselves. If that happens, you’ve been successful. To do that, sometimes you have make the effort and push yourself out of your comfort zone – that’s what being a host is. And that’s why I did Come Dine With Me.

I’ve also learned from my Scottish family that you can’t do everything all the time. Burdening yourself to be everything to everyone at all times over the course of the night means you, as a host, aren’t having fun. And your guests will notice it. So, when in doubt, get them a drink. It will tide people over while you take a break! Or, if they don’t drink, a snack or some entertainment.

Either way, above all, make everyone feel included.  

My food

how my food usually looks

On my Come Dine With Me night I went for home foods. Comfort food. Did I know it was risky to go for non-traditional British ‘dinner party food’? Yes. But, I cooked what I love to share that love with my guests. Salmon cakes are the one thing I always ask my mom to make when I go home. Mac and cheese is eaten at every big family meal. Once a former colleague told me my family’s macaroni and cheese tradition would be seen as common in Britain. But, I'm proud of where I come from. So, if someone thinks it's 'improper', well they can find somewhere else to eat.

I’ve learned I can’t go wrong being myself. I wanted to show four new people me and what my version of hospitality and hosting are. If the food itself isn’t to everyone’s tastes I hoped that my approach to opening my home would.

As it was a competition I avoided just piling food on the plate. Making Japanese rice balls is the closest I get to fancy and even my presentation of them is often... deconstructed (lazy). So, for Come Dine I tried to elevate my home cooking in a way that at least showed effort. I made sure all ingredients were fresh and quality and I made a pedestrian attempt at ‘nice’ plating. I also made more reductions and purees than I ever have… or ever will again! Maybe it all still looked a mess. But, hey, I tried!

What a dinner party is to me

One of my fav Saturday dinner parties

Dinner parties these days are friends and laughter and being full. It’s dinner with Paul and Caroline watching 10-month-old Rory cram strawberries into his mouth. It’s hanging out with Billy and helping his 8-year-old son make tacos and a cheesecake. It’s hanging out with Alex and Sara making cookies and crafts or Christmas dinner with my pals. My boyfriend is even my sous chef and front of house for those times I still get overwhelmed.  

I'll be honest, seeing the level of fine dining that others were expecting didn't intimidate me. It was a relief. I was never going to be able to do that. Sure I could put out the forks and glasses properly. But my ethos was never about that. I was going to do the best version of me. 

My night came off well enough and the only thing I regret is that the combination of nerves and paying attention to plating I lost sight of some of the finer details like:

• I forgot to ask people how they were enjoying things.
• I forgot to offer the less-American alternatives I prepared if there was something they didn’t like
• I bought a new salt cellar but forgot to put it on the table
• I accidentally mislaid one of my place settings and Sod’s Law it was Bruce’s place which I accidentally set improperly!!

A casual place (setting) for everything

However, my favourite parts of the night were the in between times. My happiest were:

• Sharing my writing and art
• Opening up to the group about my experiences with anxiety and depression
• The joy I felt after two hours visiting every card and gift shop to find the perfect cards for my guests. Then seeing their faces and knowing I got it right
• Hearing everyone laughing and enjoying themselves
• Not having a panic attack
• Walking into a room full of people with their faces covered in glitter

For me, the glitter moment was my moment of zen. I realised that I’d done my job as a host and lived up to the standards of the people I care about. Despite some little details, I did good (and I mean 'good' not 'well'). And, I had a lot of fun doing it too.

-- Harry Dozier, Edinburgh