A picture is worth a thousand words, right? For my night on Come Dine With Me in Edinburgh I made badges for my guests that symbolised fun and incredible things about them. And, all week I also wore badges that symbolised some of the things that are most important to me.
I was always taught every platform you get is a chance to raise up your community. Come Dine With Me was a chance to talk about issues close to my heart. However, I knew those chances were going to be minimal on air. We also weren't allowed to wear anything with other people's art, branding, political messages or words on it (Except my cheeky Yale tshirt!). So, I had to get creative, literally, to get my message across.
I designed and created my own badges to say the words I wouldn't necessarily be able to say. You might have caught glimpses of them on air. So here they are with their corresponding issues.
Anti gun crime
Being American, gun crime and gun control are subjects close to my heart. I grew up annually attending memorials for kids my age who were the victims of gun crime. I have family and friends who've been affected by it. More than anything, it makes me sad so many young people's lives are at risk and that people are still unable, or unwilling, to see that better regulation (at least) is the only way to improve it. I think the way that it's currently being handled and addressed by some in America is farcical. So, for the badge, I took inspiration from The Comedian's iconic blood spattered badge from the comic, Watchmen by Alan Moore. Referencing one of the most thought provoking comics about moral grey areas was fitting, given the Comedian's own relationship to violence as a so-called hero. I like to think wearing this badge was my very own Rorschack moment.
Mental Health
I've made no secret about my own struggles with depression and anxiety. Positive, open attitudes towards talking about it is something our society needs more of. For some people an episode of ill mental health is a one off. For others it's a life time struggle, just like any other health issue. But the stigma and judgement can only be defeated if we talk about it. The subject really hit home for me when a friend lost a loved one to suicide while I was filming night 2! It was a horrifying shock. But, it made me all the more resolved to spread the word. I used the title of one of my favourite Fiona Apples songs, Extraordinary Machine. The lyric is "Be kind to me, or treat me mean - I'll make the most of it. I'm an extraordinary machine".. I think it speaks to the beautiful contradition that is being human. The human body and brain are just that - these extraordinary machines that can do so many amazing things. We have moving parts that need to be cared for. However, the badge turns it on it's head. As humans we are extraordinary, but we are not machines. Uunlike machines sometimes there's no easy fix for what ails us. You can't just remove and replace parts. We need to face our own 'brokenness' with compassion and understanding - in ourselves and others. The sad brain and the awkward smile demonstrate that dichotomy - smiling on the outside; showing off your extraordinary machine. But inside needing some tlc.
LGBTI equality
This one I didn't create myself. But there was no point in reinventing the wheel. It was actually a rainbow badge that I've had for years that's faded in the sun. I like the way the pastels of the muted rainbow look a bit like the trans flag. So I kept the badge instead of swapping it for something brighter and new.
Black Lives Matter
"Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir." The only 7 words you need to know if you're black and stopped by the police.
Obviously, there are amazing cops. My brother-in-law is one of them. I was lucky enough to know my neighbourhood police as a kid. But, the numbers don't lie. Black people in America are more likely to be fatally shot by police than white counterparts. You don't have to look past Starbucks to see that racial bias is alive, well and kicking people out in America.
It's scares me to think that my Black nieces and nephew are growing up under that bias like I did. I know they will thrive and be brilliant and accomplish great things despite it. But, I wonder, what could they be if they weren't constantly mentally assessing their surroundings for danger - even from those sworn to protect them?
I wore this badge on my night and made it stand out as much as possible - a black badge against a white shirt. I knew it was slightly bending the rules because it had a political tone. But it was a worthwhile risk. I managed to sneak it past for the first part of my night before the crew clocked what it was and asked if I'd take it off. I didn't push the issue because they said they wouldn't bother reshooting the footage where I had it on. I'm glad it made it into a few shots.
Cancer awareness
I'm terrified by cancer. I've lost a friend or family member to cancer every year since I turned 30. The first person I lost was my best friend (only 30 years old herself) and both my mother's parents died from it. It's a sobering fact to realise that 1 in 4 people will have cancer. And, everyone will be affected by it in some way. Since I moved to Scotland I've been singing with the choir Showcase in Edinburgh who raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support. It's an amazing thing to be able to use my hobby as a way to do something positive for people and their families affected by this illness. So, it was just as important to help raise awareness of it on Come Dine With Me.
English rugby fans are known for singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" as one of their 'victory' songs. But, as a Black American and rugby supporter, I just can't stomach the sound of it. When I hear it I recoil in the same way as when people have hurled racial abuse at me on the bus.
The Fisk Singers were the first to perform "Swing Low"
Swing Low Sweet Chariot is an African-American spiritual based on the biblical story of Elijah. "2 Kings 2:11 - And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." Then he dropped his mantle back down to Elisha - the first mic drop of history The song is believed to have been originally sung by Wallace Willis when he was still a slave and transcribed for the the Fisk Jubilee Singers. The group then brought the song, as well as some of Willis' other songs, to prominence. As with many spirituals, Willis' songs were likely learned while at church or working in the fields.
Why slaves sang
Slaves weren't allowed to congregate outside of church on Sunday. In fact, when African slaves were first brought to America they were deliberately split up from people who spoke the same language so that they couldn't communicate or remember practices and traditions from their homeland. Children of slaves were often taken from their parents and sold as well.
However, songs and melodies transcended this lack of common background and music soon developed as a way of communicating, and new aural traditions were born. Singing not only helped pass the time while enduring inhuman work conditions, it allowed them to communicate feelings, beliefs, and later pass on secret messages.
Better off dead
"Swing Low Sweet Chariot" is a song about belief in the after life and deliverance from the horrors of slavery. It exclaims "I looked over Jordan and what did I see? A band of angels coming after me (coming for to a carry me home)." The song, as in many spirituals, is about the unshakeable belief in a better after life. It's a plea to be taken "home" to heaven - a plea for death.
Spirituals are songs charged with history. My enslaved ancestors' dichotomous spirit of defiance and despair; hope and hopelessness still shakes me to my core. To know that they still had hope despite the horrific conditions they lived under shows a fortitude of character and spirit that I don't think most of us could muster today.
Most spirituals have a common thread of the after life being a promise of something better - a reward for the pain suffered in life. It's pretty grim, but impressive that they managed to stay alive (and sane) through it.
So what's my beef with English rugby
It's not that 'other people' can't sing the song. But, it should be sung with the understanding of what it means and in tribute to the people who created it. It's not a rugby chant for a bit of levity to be sung by a bunch of people who's ancestors were responsible for people needing to create the song in the first place. It'd be like the ex who cheated on you reading your mournful break up poetry as a toast to their new bride.
Better yet, imagine your mopey teen daughter singing "soon I will be done with the troubles of the world" - another actual spiritual. You'd be pretty worried wouldn't you? Then if she actually died, imagine they start singing the song down the pub as part of a drinking game?
A song that encompasses the hope and horror of slavery, a period in history who's affects are still being felt in our culture, can't really be divorced from the context because a bunch of people want it to.
Conversation with actual English rugby fan
"We're proud of our song," - It's not your song.
"It's not about slavery," - Oh yes it is.
"But that's not what we're singing about," - My point exactly
"It's just a song," - Yeah? And a hijab is technically just a piece of cloth. But y'all are still mad about people trying to wear them. Other people's culture is either meaningful or not. You can't have it both ways?
"But we started singing it to celebrate a black guy who scored tries," - What the actual f**k? (seriously, look up Chris Oti). That kind of makes it worse.
Apparently, the Oti thing is only part of the story. It's reported that a group of fans from Market Bosworth in England helped kick it off in 1988 and it's stuck ever since.
"No body really knew what it was or where it came from. It just sort of became the anthem for the supporters of the England team." Well, I do know where it came from and it's not about your team "being under the cosh".
I'm not saying there's ever been any ill-intention. But, that doesn't make me less sad to hear it misappropriated. A bunch of white dudes trying to win at sports ball isn't at all equal to the desire of a repressed race deciding being dead will be a relief from life.
Cultural imperialism
You can't just have it because you want it. Some things come with baggage. It's not that you can't appreciate it or celebrate it. But sometimes it's not appropriate to use. For example, even though the 'N' word is used by black rappers and Eminem grew up in mostly black neighbourhoods and is a rapper, he still won't use the 'N' word. Why? Because it's not appropriate. It's not his word to reclaim.
England's history of colonisation and cultural appropriation is obvious to anyone who's read a history book. And, guess what? The original Americans were English. Americans are your bratty long lost cousin. They went to American, murdered the natives, then came back across the water, kidnapped a bunch of other folks, then put them to work as slaves.
So much of our culture in both American and Britain are infact parts that we've absorbed through our multicultural heritage. The problem is the refusal to acknowledge and respect the backgrounds that bring them to us, or a lack of understanding of and an inability to own up to the places where that history caused hurt.
Sadly, Brexit for some was a demonstration of the overwhelming lack of understanding. Everybody loves curry and shampoo. But some people still have issue with Indian neighbours. Well, the sad news is all the brown people you want gone are here because you took over their countries and were forced to have reciprocal immigration policies. They're not going to go away because of the European Union.
What to do with English rugby?
I don't think anything's going to change because some opinionated Black guy writes a blog about it. I either don't watch England matches or watch with the sound off (don't get me started on the crazy biased commentary as well). Because when I hear a big ol' group of English fans sing "Swing low" it's like hearing them use the 'N' word. Cutlture was stolen from my ancestors. But, despite the worst odds and conditions, they continued to hope and dream and be creative and stay strong. They carried bits of their heritage inside of them. Then they took the words and worship that were available to them and assembled something new and amazing.
Gemmy (middle) and co. from Themo's Book, Black Star
I was working on a drawing of Gemmy from Emersus Project the other day and as I was colouring it in my partner turned to me and said, 'Wait, Gemmy is black? I always read him as white.'
My first thought was, 'Uh, the book is illustrated. Look at him, brown skinned and broad nosed.' But then I thought, by the same token he has clear blue eyes and bright blue hair and can shoot electricity from his fingers. So in the world of Emersus Project nothing is a a given. .
But, to put it simply, yes Gemmy is black. His father is black and his mother is white. Technically that makes him bi-racial. And in the book it's not an issue of which race he is. He may choose to identify with whatever race he wants or, as many mixed-race people I know do, just chose to identify as himself or by his nationality. But, the bottom line is he will always be browner than his fairer skinned compatriots which will carry with it some weight.
Is it a problem that Gemmy doesn't 'read' as black?
No, it's not. The object of my writing is for everyone to see something of themselves in my stories. Black or white shouldn't be important. What does matter are the issues in the stories that I want to face.
Gemmy never asks himself the question, 'Am I Black?'. This is because the biggest concern in his life is 'Who do I want to be given the power that I have?'. In Arbea, the world the book is set in, there are two other sentient species and the story is about Gemmy's inner conflict with his own nature **SPOILER ALERT seeing as he is a genetic amalgamation of all three species**.
For me the 'specism' in the Emersus Project is an allegory for the racism, classism and all the other 'isms' that I've personally experienced in my life (as many have). The story is not about me but about something bigger that we all feel - trying to figure out who we are in a world where everyone is different. Seriously, your atoms and cells will only ever be your atoms and cells.
We as a species are naturally biased against other cultures and things that are different. Tribalism, sectarianism, racism, etc are all ways for us to establish a group 'like us' to try and feel like we fit in. But the truth it, it doesn't matter. What makes us 'human' is our ability to see past all the crap to show kindness and love regardless of our differences.
But, for those of you looking for the 'race issue' in Emersus Project, the series is not devoid of it.
Gemmy's parentage
Gemmy's father
Gemmy's mother
The thing that I like about Gemmy is that the issue of his race does come up in the books. He is not naive to it but largely he doesn't let it affect him. He is who he is and there are bigger fish to fry. Gemmy's father, Gravander, is described as "an imposing figure. He was starkly bald accept for the academic braid* that sat atop his head. The bright white streaks in his hair stood out as a shock against his dark skin." And his mother is white with bright blue eyes with even brighter red curly hair.
Throughout the book there are hints dropped at the bigger picture of issues of race in Arbea. And, like it is for many, the tension comes from inside his own family.
In the first book we read that: "Gemmy went to his closet and rummaged about until he found an Arbonaesche winter cap
that his gran had sent him years ago. She’d never appreciated that they lived
in one of the warmest places in Arbea. But he’d always suspected that she wanted him to cover his tell-tale Garzian raven hair." In the second book we read:
"[Their cover story was] Sem and Daryn were the children of diplomats going to meet their parents on Rheza and Gemmy was their servant. They’d have to be as believable as possible because any suspicion or serious checking would result in disaster.
Sem couldn’t understand why they couldn’t all be the children of diplomats, especially as Gemmy was the only one with an actual [nobility] title. But, Gemmy had memorised all the names and faces of the diplomats who had access to travel to Rheza. They were all descendants of royal Arbean families. Gemmy had to explain that none of them had Garzian ‘farmer colouring,’ as his gran had always politely put it."
Yes. It's usually people who don't experience racism that say it no longer exists, but it does. In Britain there have been high profile incidents of football racism. So to imagine that it exists off the football pitch is not a stretch. And racism in America is nothing that anyone would deny.
The subject of race and how society sees it definitely needs to continue being explored in literature. Racism is very real all across the world and it's not just a black/white issue. That's why I'm deliberately featuring a black female heroine in my next series as an opportunity to explore race in addition to other themes.
For me, as a fair-skinned black man I've had it from white and black people who say that I'm 'too black', 'not that black' or 'not black enough' or 'act white' for a start (don't get me started on the American jabs levelled at me). And my only answer to critics of my blackness is that 'I'm black enough to be hanged'.
Jim Crow rock in Dunoon, Scotland
I say this because under the Jim Crow segregation laws in the US (which only ended 60 years ago) regardless of how fair or dark you were, if you had 'just one drop' of black ancestry you were black and subject to the laws that dehumanised and diminished an entire race. And for those who don't think crazy stuff like that still happens in the UK, well, there's a 'Jim Crow' rock in Dunoon, Scotland with a minstrel face. They say it represents 'Our friend a "jack daw" crow'. Locals repaint it every year. Why does in not say jack daw then? And why does it's beak look like red lips? Who knows. The first (and last) time I visited the seaside town - a town that used to home an American Naval base in the 60s (just sayin) - I had a particularly bad experience when I tried to explain to local 'friends' about why it was upsetting.
Don't believe me? Let's break it down:
What does this
have to do with this?
Answer:
Don't be an idiot. Just change the name of the flipping rock!!
In the end, I've experienced just as much discrimination from people based on my race as any other black person. And there are people from other races in this country and others who've had it just as bad if not worse. But trying to validate your experiences by diminishing mine is something that I don't accept. We've all got our struggles so don't be a jerk. The same goes in literature. It's not about just one struggle for everyone. And for some, it doesn't really matter. But what does matter is being respectful of other's experiences and being happy.
