10 things people say to light-skinned black people (that might get them cut)

We hear about it often - black public figures whose images have been lightened for acceptance. But, is it really any easier to be fairer* skinned? I get it all the time from my own family - some how, being a fair-skinned black person is a breeze compared to what it's like for those who are darker.

But, for all my light-skinned brothers and sisters out there I know you'll understand. People say crazy stuff to us all the time BECAUSE we're fair-skinned. It's like somehow, because we're not as dark, we get all the awkward questions that people are too scared to ask other black people.

Yes, I am guilty of sometimes playing into these, letting it slide or just laughing it off for ease of social transactions. But, inside (and outside), I am rolling my eyes and judging you... hard.

1. 50 Shades of Blackness

You: You're not THAT black
Me: Black enough to be hanged.

Who says this: Black and white people**
Why this is annoying:
Bottom line, light/dark/somewhere in between, all black people experience prejudice and racism. Under Jim Crow laws there was the One-drop rule which stated that if you had even one ancestor of African descent you were considered black and therefore you could be killed indiscriminately. Yes, people say being fair-skinned makes you more socially acceptable. But, that in itself is racist. We still face off with bigots and experience that awkward moment where other people say 'I forget you're even black' and then proceed to make a black joke.

2. Tanning your hide

You: Look! I'm almost darker than you (holding their holiday tanned arm next to yours and pointing)
Me: Yes, but I'm not going to get skin cancer.

Who says this: White people
Why this is annoying:
I don't understand what this obsession is. Great, you can get a tan! And yes, I get darker when I go in the sun too. It's not annoying so much as bemusing that for generations the idea of being black was maligned by whites but many white people are gagging themselves (and in fact endangering their health) to be black-ish. Yes, we all look healthier with a bit of sun (says the black guy who moved to Scotland). But, when you look like a wrinkled leather bag in 10 years it's actually kind of gross. Love yourself the way that you are.

Let's be honest - no one is the right shade of band-aid

3. Different strokes
You: Yeah, well you had it easier because you're light-skinned.
Me: Black enough to be hanged.

Who says this: Black people
Why it's annoying:
Have you been me? I go back to the one-drop rule. I've had idiots treat me like I'm less of a person because I'm black. I've been called the 'N-word' in spite. I've had friends' parents assume I went to a good college because I was on a basketball scholarship. People hit on me saying 'I've always wondered what it'd be like to be with a black guy.' You think I'm some how 'safe' from stupid because I've got a bit more vanilla in my swirl? Well, you're wrong. Don't add to the stupid by hating on me. Let's be united against idiots.

3. It's tough for you. Yeah yeah yeah

You: Are you one of those white-acting black people?
Me: If by 'white-acting' you mean articulate, thoughtful and my mom taught me how to act right (behave myself) in public, then, yes I am, you racist.

Who says this: Black and white people
Why this is annoying:
It's not annoying. It's flat out racist. I don't care who says it.

If you're white and you say this, take a long think about what you mean by 'acting black' and realise that's based solely on prejudice. How would you feel if I asked you if you were one of those red-neck white people? Change your thinking.

If you're black and you say this, have a long hard think about what expectations you have of yourself because of internalised racism and/or you justifying acting like an asshole in general. There's a difference between respecting your culture and heritage and just being a jerk.Change your thinking.

Would I be treated differently if I were darker?
Is it still blacking up if I'm already black? Awkward :-/

4. Papa can you hear me

You: Are both your parents black?
Me: Yes, and they taught me not to ask inappropriate questions. 

Who says this: White people
Why this is annoying:
Come on?! Unless you're having a discussion about heritage this is not ok. Even if you know the person 'really well' (mostly because if you know them really well you'll have seen, heard stories of or met their parents already). That's like asking people 'Are your parents divorced?' for no reason. Why not ask even more probing family questions like: How long was your mother in labour for? What are your saddest memories from childhood? When was your last sexual health check up? Can I have a vile of your blood? In polite society anything that might potentially have a really deep, long, possibly probing answer is not something you bring up without context or permission.

5. Damnit, Jim. I'm a black person, not a geneticist

You: How are the people in your family different colours if you have the same parents?
Me: How do the people in your family have different colour hair and eyes? Genetics.

Who says this: Mostly white people but I know some black people wonder too
Why this is annoying:
Well, for one reason, I'm not a geneticist so why would you assume I know any more than you? But, mostly it's frustrating because I think people are expecting something juicy and easy to understand like 'we have different fathers' or something. That would be easy for your mind to grasp, but would be deeply personal and rude of you to ask if it was. However, the reality is it's just genetics. Recessive, dominant, whatever genes. People pick up different physical traits, skin pigmentation being one of them.

6. What is reality?

You: Are you really... 'black' black?
Me: *Cocks eye-brow and glares (as presumably only a black person can) silently communicating 'Did you really just ask me that? I might cut you?'*

Who says this: White people
Why this is annoying:
Rachel Dolezal is not 'black' black. Go to the back of the class and see items 4 and 5. What is it you really want to know? Would the answer make you more or less comfortable? If it changes nothing what does it really matter? It doesn't matter two flying figs what my parentage is. Black people come in all flavours. What you see is what you get. Being 'black' black doesn't change how society perceives you when you have African features and brown skin.

7. Dopplen**ger

You: You look just like 'other fair-skinned black person they know'. Are you related?
Me: Why do people keep asking me that? But, funny you should ask. I do know Kendall.

Who says this: Black and white people
Why this is annoying:
There is a guy my sisters went to high school with named Kendall. And for all my life people have asked if I'm his brother. I mean, we look about as alike as two fair-skinned black guys do. But you would never say that if you saw my sisters and see how much we ACTUALLY look alike because we're actually related. This is just an annoying phenomenon that I think lots of people get. But, my experience has been that it's white people saying any black person looks like any other black person  (mostly celebrities). My mother was once compared to Whoopi Goldberg. I mean WTF?

'Nuff said

8. It's a game of inches

You: Is it true what they say about black guys?
Me: Yes, we do all carry guns. So back the f**k up. (polite alternative: It is true. My parents are black.)

Who says this: White people
Why this is annoying:
Black people in general get this. It is not flattering. It is not original. And it is not clever. Why don't you ask your other white friends who might have ridden the low-down rail road  to piss off their parents. If you ask this of a black man he will either ignore you completely or he will assume you're a ho, take you for a quicky (making zero eye contact), possibly steal some money from your wallet, and then never call you.

9. I am not my hair

You: Can I touch your hair?
Me: Can I touch your boobs/penis?

Who says this: White people
Why this is annoying:
Before you ask if you can touch someone's hair stop and think of when you have ever asked anyone else if you could touch their hair. Then subtract those people who are black and how many are you left with? If the answer is more than zero you have some sort of hair fetish and/or some sort of social disorder. Now, before you get mad, I have never EVER asked any one of another race if I could touch their hair. I understand you're curious, but I'm not a touch and teach playskool book. Just think: most people don't want some stranger rubbing their nasty cheeto-stained hands all up on their head. And, the odds that anyone (especially women) who'd spent loads of time and money to get their hair so correct that it's delicious looking enough to be pawed at does not actually want it to be touched.

10. Just kidding

You: Is it ok if I tell a black joke?
Me: No!

Who says this: Idiots
Why this is annoying:
First of all, if you need to ask permission to tell a joke then you already know it's going to offend someone. So, don't. This is up there with beginning a statement with 'I'm not a racist, but...' Whatever you are about to say next IS going to be racist. Avenue Q nailed it. Everyone's a little bit racist (I like to think everyone's a little be prejudice but you know what they mean). But, sometimes knowing your audience is key. So, keep your racist joke to yourself please.

Bottom line

Remember, asking questions and trying to understand is ok. But, it's all about the context. And making sweeping statements about what it's like to be in my shoes is not. If you're having trouble navigating the murky waters of what you should or shouldn't say to a black person who's fair-skinned just remember:

Questioning someone’s race (shade of skin + potential for racial stereotyping) / ([how well you know the person - how much you actually want to stay friends with that person] + context) - do you really need to know = look it up on YouTube 

(Seriously, everything is on YouTube. Check out Madame Noir’s ‘Ask A Black Man’ series or All Def Digital)

*When I use the word 'fair-skinned' in this article I'm referring to 'fair' as in 'light' not 'fair' as in beautiful. Everyone is beautiful at any shade under the human spectrum (and as Zoe Saldana proved in Gaurdians of the Galaxy you can be pretty hot in shades of green too). But, yeah, I mean 'light-skinded' y'all.

** Yes, everyone is a little bit racist. But I can honestly say none of the above examples have ever occurred with people of any other race.